Heal Not Harm

Realistic and relatable. Encouragement, inspiration and healing with one positive word at a time. HEAL- Helping. Empower. All. Lives

Stuck and rebellious- hungry enough; who is holding who? — December 10, 2017

Stuck and rebellious- hungry enough; who is holding who?

 Let’s face it, it’s easier to give excuses and place blame on others or society for one’s makeup, mindset, pain or suffering, work ethic and or failures. For instance, I was resentful towards my mother simply because I felt she could have influenced my turn out as an adult more than I felt she did. I blamed the fact I never really found interest in attending college or even finishing high school on her, I felt as if she gave me the easy way out. Granted she worked hard and wanted the best for my siblings and I and for us to bring home good grades, I simply cannot remember a time that I took school seriously. As I’m writing this, the more I reflect on my life I never took anything seriously enough.  While she did what she could and what she thought was best for my siblings and I, given her limited financial and educational situations. She never gave up and managed to keep food and a roof over our heads. She protected and guided us to the best of HER abilities and kept us in a child’s place as long as she physically could. Even though so badly I wanted to place blame on my mother for MY short comings. To be honest I was more focused on growing up physically, I didn’t have time to think or pursue mental growth. I just wanted to be an adult clearly, I knew nothing about being a stable adult.  If I would have made a choice to want more for myself instead of simply getting from under my mother’s rules and regulation. In all reality, it was my action and choice to take the easy way out, instead of pushing through the rough parts and wanting it bad enough for myself. I felt like maybe if she was stricter and enforced the seriousness and importance of education or being an upstanding scholar. Maybe I would have turned out better and blah blah blah. I held on to my mistakes and excuses because it was what I felt to be MY truths and provided me with comfort. Never fully taking accountability for myself or actions. In hindsight I was never hungry enough, I enjoyed and found comfort in laziness and doing bare minimum and in doing so I received bare minimum throughout life. Nothing in life worth having can or will be just handed over. If it is there will not be any true value or appreciation involved because it was not earned. God, spiritual growth, mental enhancements and finances are all obtainable. The question is how bad do we want it, and will we let ourselves and excuses stand in our way? There are too many resources to be merely stuck without solutions. When we get out of our own way and let God have his, everything will fall into place but only if we move towards that place. As the famous saying goes “faith without works is dead” Dead things do not move nor do they grow. We have only one life, why complain or place blame, meanwhile staying still mentally as time passes by. Can’t do anything about the past besides learning from it, remembering that one solution will not fix all problems and carrying anything from our past only hinders our journey.
Who knew — December 6, 2017

Who knew

It is easy to lose one self and become obsess with what and whom society deems talented, entertaining and or physically beautiful. Personally, I never knew beauty only had one type of shape, race, mix and match features with couple of acceptable shades. Television’s perfect reality is trying to teach us; that to succeed it is considerable to sell our souls if we want to seemingly conquer poverty and gain man’s golds. This generation doesn’t practice tolerance, peace or patience; only disrespect, violence, hate and flexing for the social media until they make it. Showing off prioritized assets hoping to attract the masses. Now that I think about it we are evolving backwards. Everyone deserves respect ✊🏾

Who’s accountable? Based on what decision — December 4, 2017

Who’s accountable? Based on what decision

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When things aren’t right in our life or current situation, who do we give the credit to? Often when life is going well we take full accountability and give credit to basically our own doings, hard work and dedication. While when situations are not so Good we tend to blame one another, or conclude that God may have forsaken our us. Here’s the thing… If truly documented, God’s son had life on this earth and he encountered several trials, tribulations and betrayal. Without anger towards man or his father he strived without placing blame on his father. If everything was always easy or perfect, why would we need or desire God? How would we learn without experience and how would be prepared throughout life? What would it take to make us grateful, how could we know when mercy had been placed upon us? I truly believe most situations are self-inflicted or simply a test for experience, mental and spiritual strength.  First and foremost, God allowed us free will; meaning there is nothing he forces upon us. Even when it comes to love, following, learning or acceptance. Ultimately our daily choices, mindset and decisions are our situation’s foundation. We also had the ability to shape other’s perception. While talking to past church goers or simply those who choose to believe only in God but not his or man’s practices. I have asked individuals “why they do not attend church” majority state due to emotional damage and or personal disagreements. I personally feel going to church does mind and spirit well, when fellowshipping within Christ because just as if in the army; which is only as great as its line of defense and being on one accord. Now I know others who felt the churches practices were faulty. I also agree with the fact, there are SOME faulty churches that are manmade. BOTTOM LINE: THIS IS A COOP OUT and the solution to all this is quite simple, realizing and taking accountability for one’s self and grasp the fact that NO ONE is perfect. Riddle me this… when we experience betrayal in school, work places or relationships or in life in general; does one automatically surrender, keeping one from continuing moving forward? In some situations, yes. It is difficult dealing with hurt, being overwhelmed, guilt and or feeling a sense of defeat. However just like life continues to do, we too must continue and move on. Discomfort is temporary. No one moment, feeling or disagreement should ever make one change our sense of direction or dedication. As in life we may fight with our families, friends and significant others HOWEVER; in most cases those moments do not separate our bond, bloodline or ties with one another permanently. At least it shouldn’t. Same with belief, it is our decision to distance ourselves from vessel to God aka the church because of personal hang ups. At the time of judgement, when we meet our creator would we be just as likely to take accountability or merely place blame for our absence on other’s actions. Would we take accountability for our actions and Decision to follow through on whatever we choose to do or believe?
when a teenager decides to drop out of school, like myself; I made the decision to give up on my education because of my emotions and feelings of being overwhelmed. However, I never thought about how my decision to leave high school would ultimately play a part in deciding my fate in a sense. Now based on making a simple choice, I unknowingly sculpted my working ethics and pattern. When I started working during and after my teenage years, I took that same {quit when it gets hard) attitude. So, I went through job after job after job. Never really learning anything other than how to obtain a job, while maintaining employment was seemingly difficult. Currently still paying for my decision to quit because I’m behind in the progress to success. Who am I to blame? My mother for whatever reason, society and apparently being kept down by the man or take accountability. The fact that I for gave up because I was uncomfortable. We are initially the holders of our fate, relationship with God and success. When we fail it is our obligation to take accountability for our actions, decisions/choices. Not to torment ourselves but to learn from our experiences and mistakes. LASTLY this same process works for the people we encounter and deal with. Example being involved in toxic relationships based of insecurities or effortless comfortability. Anything worth having is worth fighting and sacrificing for. Being mindful of who we place the blame on.
Mindful Monday – more for less — November 21, 2017

Mindful Monday – more for less

When you can get more for less, would you insist on offering more? More than likely no one would, people always want more quantity especially of a good thing. Worldly materials, love, intelligence and stability are internal and external valuables. which when obtained and made meaningful are all privileges of life. Believe it or not; there are people lacking, craving and preying on those valuables. Hence; ever notice how nice a person becomes when they want or need something. In any type of relationship, it is possible to become consumed in comfortability and illusion, so much so that one does know when drainage may be taking place; if more is being taken rather than given or divided. One may consciously allow drainage to take place due to manipulation and or lack of self-esteem; the chore of finding somebody else can pose a threat as well. NEVER LET YOUR PAST DEFINE WHO YOU WANT TO BE OR WHAT YOU DESERVE. Unconsciously one may be naïve or simply unaware due to mental conditioning, having hope meanwhile in a hopeless situation. Scenario: (relationship) Accepting when a significant other does not provide mental stimulation or invest to inspire growth. Being involve with an individual simply because one can’t fathom the thought of being alone and allowing another’s happiness to matter more than our own. A guy offering nothing outside of bare minimum using one as his personal resource to survival. It’s a misconception that when someone does a nice or good gesture means that the individua cares. In all actuality the individual is more than likely securing a spot, by playing with heart strings. Imagine someone does you a solid and for that one favor, you owe them YOUR LIFE. When something is done genuinely you should never hear about it. Now if you’re in a tit for tat situation, there is no love involved. You know how we go to the store in search of deals? Like paying for a bracelet to get into the carnival and having 100% access or simply buying some ticket which will inevitably run out.

Scenario: Friend – That one friend who always want to go out or do something but ALWAYS BROKE, always asking for something and never freely willing to contribute. The friend who will rely on you without being reliable.

Want to know if a person is for you or simply want from you? When they want something tell them you are unable to help, if you’re like me and don’t like saying the word NO. If the individual distance themselves and or hold any type of resentment because you couldn’t not give them what they didn’t already have nor was it your fault that they were without.


Some given more time than others however, our time here on this earth is granted daily but not guarantee; every day that past along with the years we are granted here should be acknowledge and appreciated. BASICALLY, TIME IS PRECISE! I don’t care who you are, EVERYONE deserves to be appreciated and never taken for advantage. Once you realize your worth, you’ll understand less is more. Less mess equals less stress.

Mindful Monday: Remaining confident of your future — November 7, 2017

Mindful Monday: Remaining confident of your future


Everyone has experienced a low point, lapse of confidence or simply a moment in life which they aren’t too proud of. However, the definition of past is; gone by or elapsed in time: our past is called that for a reason, it’s a place in time that no longer exist in the present nor future, a moment in our lives that we’ve gotten over. Some things are easier to get over than others, but it can be done. Harboring ill memories or feelings only hinder us from moving on within our lives and has the potential to damage our happiness and growth. Forgetting, learning and or moving forward isn’t always the easiest thing to do because sometimes the mental/physical scars are constant reminders. I speak for myself when I say I use to stay mad at individuals for any and everything for what felt like centuries; however, that did not stop the individual I was upset with from moving on and living their lives (happily & per usual). I have also been a victim to my past by simply by worrying about what others would say or remember about my short comings / past. Constantly beating myself up over decisions that I have made and later regretted ever happened. I learned the difference between taking accountability and blaming one’s self which are two different things. What did my bitterness and sorrow get me, nowhere but dwelling in my own past’s misery. None of which changed, helped or removed my situations from happening; fact is one can retract their words but never their actions. We must keep in mind that some things from our past provide experience, character, strength and wisdom. The past should be used as a learning tool, guidance/reference and a testimony. I learned to Never feel less than the next individual because of my past, everyone has a been embarrassed some point in their lives; every so-called saint was/is a sinner and has a past they just decided to flourish in a different/positive direction. Does not matter what togetherness is being shown; everyone on this beautiful messy earth has been or is currently a mess. It is solely up to use to repair and reinvent ourselves or remain damaged. Why not choose to be happy, why let things that cannot be changed eat at us, dictate one’s future and wellbeing or happiness? Everyone deserves happiness and we’re responsible for when and how we obtain and maintain that happiness. I used to blame everyone else for the issues I had developed within myself and for me not being happy. Basically, I was involved with self-inflicted misery, I choose to stay mad and upset because either I was waiting for an apology or thinking my emotion would provide a change. I believe God doesn’t make mistakes and every struggle is designed based on the foundation of our strengths and how we will rise above. Remember all a butterfly did not start out so beautiful , but it had to go through to get through and it was all worth it.

Check out todays #podcast — October 31, 2017
mindful monday #healingcorner – time just for you — October 30, 2017

mindful monday #healingcorner – time just for you

We have the power to resolve 99.9 percent of our problems/situations by simply avoiding them. Rather its work, home, relationships or ourselves. A lot of the things we go through are because we inflict them on ourselves and disappointments spiral from the expectation we put amongst others. We rely on people more then we rely and allow God the opportunity to work things out, even though he knows best. We pray whenever we want or need, that’s when we consider his will, grace and favor. Soon as we think we got things figured out, we give him less and expect more. What happens next??… God will allow us to go back to situations and stress that we put on ourselves and allow in our lives. Like our cell phones, we’ll talk, text, use apps, listen to music and even watch movies; knowing that we have a LIMITED amount of power but will use it to a mere 10%. Soon as that warning flashes across our screens, that’s when we become (aware) and decide to charge our phones. We don’t care or take into consideration how much power or energy we may be draining or using until we need more. God doesn’t want to be our temporary fix and we should hold ourselves to that same standard. If someone is draining you, using you or you find themselves only in your company or pleased, when you are beneficial. Run, leave, skip or jump out of that situation/relationship as soon as possible. YOU DESERVE MORE, and God will give you desires of your heart if you follow him. I used to waste a lot of my time and energy by allowing drama, none sense, fake friends (solely for the companionship) to consume and take place in my life. I was easily influenced by temptation and a sense of wanting to belong or fit in. Relationships; I never took time to love and learn myself, so relationships were bound to fail. I Never set a standard just simply a tolerance, which isn’t necessarily a great ideal because that tolerance only allowed me to settle. Friendships taught me that just because a person or people are around you while you’re in your struggle, doesn’t mean they won’t be your downfall (carbs in a barrel) once they see any potential or opportunity. Don’t let people determine your happiness or set your standards as to what you deserve. The past is simply that for a reason, GET PAST WHATEVER MAY BE HOLDING YOU BACK! If you find yourself questioning your position in anyone’s life, move on. If you’re in a situation that causes stress, makes you go against your better judgment or that takes away from you; physically, spiritually, mentally and or financially. THROW THE WHOLE ENTIRE SITUATION AWAY! You don’t need it, why carry more baggage than you must, life comes with enough let downs on its own. NO ONE on this earth has had a 100% problem free life, however in most cases our problems are based on our decisions. DECIDE TO Live life, laugh, love and move on 😊 #healingcorner IMG_1843

Check out my station, Mz Mic Cheq, on Anchor: https://anchor.fm/healnotharm — October 29, 2017
Saturday Shenanigans; — October 15, 2017

Saturday Shenanigans;


Ever notice when you attempt to put your mind towards positive structure, obstacles and situations occur while discouragement is constantly running behind you.
However, it seems easy to be persuaded into using our choices towards something that could potentially lead to ultimately negative consequences. Most of the time being impatience is what drives our hasty decisions. Things seem to typically get hazy when the temptations presented provide the illusion of: a better situation, temporary relief, comfort or a quick method to a better means.
Using my own experience as an example: It all started because I was surrounded by a problem and tempted with a solution that lead to a revolving door of bad decisions and dead ends. So basically, I became frustrated and impatient about my situation. Subconsciously I majorly went against every logical bone in my body and any sense of sane thinking. I chose to pursue a lifestyle that was unstable but able to provide faster temporary comfort. Physically and mentally I became drained and remained empty within, simply because I was not gaining or maintain with purpose or reason. Finally using my brain and not thinking within the influence of temptation. I am now currently free to invest my time into something I believe in, that is positive and not just about me. Once I separated myself from the crowd I was interacting with that did not share the same uplifting mindset, finally ridding myself of the setbacks along with any distractions that truly kept me content with running in place mentally and financially; I could think logically. It was then I could take the right steps towards mental rehabilitation.
Remember, you are the crowd you keep; If you surround yourself with Positive people who practice loving and striving to live a fulfilled life and those who are constantly working on self growth, that is the direction you will initially lean towards. When I finally grasp and accepted the concept that hard times will indeed come, but that doesn’t mean run away because anything worth having is worth working for. we should practice appreciating thing we currently have; not to be weighed down by focusing on whatever it is we do not have now. Engage with positive people who influence and stimulate growth. To make this process easy I surrounded myself with likeminded individuals who have a healthy hunger for receiving more out of life.
Don’t allow yourself to be consumed by those who only way of thinking is either the “get rich quick” scheme method or crabs in the barrel mentality. IF everything they suggest involves them making a come up off your expense, you’re being played and drained. You will always find yourself coming up short. When I was doing all the things that were “fun” but not essentially good for me physically, physically and financially; I had all the company and support I could want or need. Soon as I started to regain my confidence and began to focus on self-improvements, being conscious, taking responsibility and accountability; Nobody to hang with, short conversations and uninterested gestures. Suddenly I’m alone in a sense. Do I keep on striving or let the fear of being failure or just being another number in society force me into mediocrity?
Fun facts — October 12, 2017